How I Got My Life Back

2013 has been an incredible year for me.  I don't think I can adequately describe all of the positive changes I have made in my life this year.  The most outwardly noticeable of all those changes is the 70 pounds I shed.  Several people have asked me how I have been able to do it and there is just so much I want to say that can't be said in a facebook comment so I decided to get it all out in a blog post.

Let me start out by saying that this is not going to be your ordinary post about losing weight.  My journey has consisted of SO MUCH more than just losing weight and I don't believe that I would be doing the internet world any good if I didn't share what I did and learned spiritually as well as mentally and physically.  

This time last year was a turning point for me.  My husband and I had been living under the cloud of codependency and addiction for almost 3 years.  It had made us almost completely non-functional in so many areas.  We simply could not handle any of the stresses of life.  We both turned to worldly sources to find relief from our troubles.  The relief we found was only temporary so we kept turning to them over and over again.  My form of relief?  Food.  I think it's a pretty common scenario that a lot of us turn to food to deal with stress, some more heavily than others.  I was so entrenched in all of the troubles I refused to deal with that my food addiction was severe.  It was impossible for me to look beyond myself.  The only way to describe it is an illness.  I was so sick.  Spiritually and physically.  I had absolutely no hope in my life.  Then we decided to make a life changing move and we were introduced to the Addiction Recovery Program run by LDS Family Services.  It was a wake up call.  I fell to me knees and finally turned all my troubles over to the Savior, just as I should have done from the beginning.  Such sweet hope entered into my heart and that's when the changes began.  It was right at the end of the year and so for the first time I made a New Year's resolution that I was committed to keeping.  I resolved to be a better me in all areas, one of those areas being to get my heath back.

And so here is where I share the wisdom I have gained throughout this year.  Just as a disclaimer: I am a very active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I wholeheartedly embrace the teachings of my church.  I believe that I have a very loving Heavenly Father watching out for me and proclaim Jesus Christ to be my Savior.  All of these beliefs are a huge part of my journey and I will share as they apply to the things I have learned.  If you do not share the same beliefs I strongly encourage you to still consider the things I have learned as they may apply to your own beliefs. 

1. The weight loss journey is so much more than just a physical one.  I had an issue with food.  A BIG one.  I turned to food instead of dealing with all of the negative things in my life.  I could never have conquered that issue without dealing with the emotions that caused me to turn to food.  I had to face them.  I had to fix them the right way.  I had to place all of my struggles at the Savior's feet and seek His help rather than attempting to stuff them down with food.  If I had just relied on my own willpower to stay away from food I would have failed.  Big time.  I had to get to the heart of the issue.  All of us that can't seem to say no to food or can't seem to get over how much we hate our bodies or don't find any worth in ourselves will never find a solution to our problems simply by losing weight.  We have to get a the heart of the issue and the issue usually needs to be fixed through spiritual means.

2. I never could have become the person I am now without the strength of the Lord.  I would be doing myself and others a huge disservice if I gave myself the credit for my success.  Yes, I did put in a LOT of hard work but ultimately I never would have had the power to overcome my struggles without the strength of the Lord carrying me through every step of the way.  All of the strength I have received is His strength.

3. It was never about losing weight.  Okay, that is a little bit of a lie.  There were times when I got very much caught up in the number on the scale but I never let it last long.  I did not start this year focused on losing weight.  I simply wanted to be healthy.  I wanted to learn how to treat my body with respect and give my body the things it needed.  I didn't care what weight I ended up being, I just wanted to be healthy.

4. I developed a close relationship with my body.  I worked to make my body my best friend.  I respected when my body protested to things I had eaten or done.  I learned to read all the cues my body gave me and actually listen to them.  When I realized that pop made me feel gross after I drank it, I stopped drinking it.  When my body felt really good after a glass of water, I drank more.  Believe it did not come easily, but as I saw the positive things that came from listening to my body I listened to it more.  My body has become one of my most precious gifts I have ever received.  It allows me to experience everything I do in this life.  I wouldn't be able to enjoy my children's hugs without it.  I wouldn't be able to sneak kisses from my husband without it.  I would not be able to do any of the things I enjoy without it.  Why would I not treat it with the utmost respect and listen to the cues it gives me?   After a whole year of practice I can finally say I have a pretty good understanding of my body and that means a lot to me.

5. Good old eating right and exercising go a long way.  I didn't do anything special to lose the weight.  I didn't try any special diet, in fact, I hate the D word.  I eat smaller portions of food more often throughout the day.  I drink TONS of water.  I don't drink pop and stay away from juices.  I stay away from processed foods and eat as much whole foods as I can.  I pay closer attention to the ingredients list than the nutrition facts.  I don't eat out very often and when I do I try to make wise choices.  I prepare myself ahead of time when I know that I will be in a situation where a lot of junk food is going to be around.  Exercise is a priority to me and I try to fit it in when I can.  I simply make the best choices I can.

6. BABY STEPS.  I don't think I can stress this enough.  Start out slow and steady.  Cut back on things rather than cut them out completely up front.  I cut back on the amount of pop I drank before I got to the point where I cut it out completely.  Start out small as you start to add in exercise and do a little more every day.  This will help you gradually incorporate those changes and make them stick.  Push yourself but don't set a goal that is unattainable.  This was a huge help to me.  I didn't focus on what I "should" be doing.  I focused on what I could do and I gradually built up strength for bigger things.

7. I learned from the mistakes I made and I picked myself up and kept moving.  I made a LOT of mistakes this year.  I didn't sail right through the year.  I look back on those mistakes with fondness because I was able to learn something every time.  I hardly knew anything when I got started.  It was a very long process of trial and error, learning what worked for me and what didn't.  And I never lost hope when I made a mistake. I didn't give up when I binged on junk before I had a chance to stop.  I didn't give up when I skipped too many days in a row of exercise.  And I didn't give up when my old attitudes came back and threatened to send me back to square one.  Every day is a new day.  Every hour is a new hour.  Every minute is a new minute.  And every second is a new second.  We ALWAYS have the chance to recommit ourselves and move forward.  I fought hard to get to where I am and I have learned to NEVER stop fighting.

And like every weight loss post I will share before and after pictures in hopes that you see more than just the weight loss.

This picture was taken at the end of September 2012.  It is so hard for me to look at this picture.  And it's not just because of my size.  I mourn for the Laina that sits in that picture.  She had lost all sense of who she was.  She felt like a failure and never felt good enough.  There is no light in those eyes, no hope.  She had no idea what she was worth and the potential she had to be a force for good.  I am so incredibly grateful to be able to say that all of that has changed

This picture was taken just 3 days ago.  I now know exactly who I am as a precious daughter of God.  I have a "perfect brightness of hope" in the Savior and in myself.  I feel the love of God in my life every. single. day.  I thrive under His love and direction.  I know I have incredible worth in my own life and in the lives of those who love me.  And I know that I have the potential to do great things on this earth.  I matter and I never doubt that anymore.

I also find great satisfaction in being a little sassy every now and again. ;)