How I Got My Life Back

2013 has been an incredible year for me.  I don't think I can adequately describe all of the positive changes I have made in my life this year.  The most outwardly noticeable of all those changes is the 70 pounds I shed.  Several people have asked me how I have been able to do it and there is just so much I want to say that can't be said in a facebook comment so I decided to get it all out in a blog post.

Let me start out by saying that this is not going to be your ordinary post about losing weight.  My journey has consisted of SO MUCH more than just losing weight and I don't believe that I would be doing the internet world any good if I didn't share what I did and learned spiritually as well as mentally and physically.  

This time last year was a turning point for me.  My husband and I had been living under the cloud of codependency and addiction for almost 3 years.  It had made us almost completely non-functional in so many areas.  We simply could not handle any of the stresses of life.  We both turned to worldly sources to find relief from our troubles.  The relief we found was only temporary so we kept turning to them over and over again.  My form of relief?  Food.  I think it's a pretty common scenario that a lot of us turn to food to deal with stress, some more heavily than others.  I was so entrenched in all of the troubles I refused to deal with that my food addiction was severe.  It was impossible for me to look beyond myself.  The only way to describe it is an illness.  I was so sick.  Spiritually and physically.  I had absolutely no hope in my life.  Then we decided to make a life changing move and we were introduced to the Addiction Recovery Program run by LDS Family Services.  It was a wake up call.  I fell to me knees and finally turned all my troubles over to the Savior, just as I should have done from the beginning.  Such sweet hope entered into my heart and that's when the changes began.  It was right at the end of the year and so for the first time I made a New Year's resolution that I was committed to keeping.  I resolved to be a better me in all areas, one of those areas being to get my heath back.

And so here is where I share the wisdom I have gained throughout this year.  Just as a disclaimer: I am a very active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I wholeheartedly embrace the teachings of my church.  I believe that I have a very loving Heavenly Father watching out for me and proclaim Jesus Christ to be my Savior.  All of these beliefs are a huge part of my journey and I will share as they apply to the things I have learned.  If you do not share the same beliefs I strongly encourage you to still consider the things I have learned as they may apply to your own beliefs. 

1. The weight loss journey is so much more than just a physical one.  I had an issue with food.  A BIG one.  I turned to food instead of dealing with all of the negative things in my life.  I could never have conquered that issue without dealing with the emotions that caused me to turn to food.  I had to face them.  I had to fix them the right way.  I had to place all of my struggles at the Savior's feet and seek His help rather than attempting to stuff them down with food.  If I had just relied on my own willpower to stay away from food I would have failed.  Big time.  I had to get to the heart of the issue.  All of us that can't seem to say no to food or can't seem to get over how much we hate our bodies or don't find any worth in ourselves will never find a solution to our problems simply by losing weight.  We have to get a the heart of the issue and the issue usually needs to be fixed through spiritual means.

2. I never could have become the person I am now without the strength of the Lord.  I would be doing myself and others a huge disservice if I gave myself the credit for my success.  Yes, I did put in a LOT of hard work but ultimately I never would have had the power to overcome my struggles without the strength of the Lord carrying me through every step of the way.  All of the strength I have received is His strength.

3. It was never about losing weight.  Okay, that is a little bit of a lie.  There were times when I got very much caught up in the number on the scale but I never let it last long.  I did not start this year focused on losing weight.  I simply wanted to be healthy.  I wanted to learn how to treat my body with respect and give my body the things it needed.  I didn't care what weight I ended up being, I just wanted to be healthy.

4. I developed a close relationship with my body.  I worked to make my body my best friend.  I respected when my body protested to things I had eaten or done.  I learned to read all the cues my body gave me and actually listen to them.  When I realized that pop made me feel gross after I drank it, I stopped drinking it.  When my body felt really good after a glass of water, I drank more.  Believe it did not come easily, but as I saw the positive things that came from listening to my body I listened to it more.  My body has become one of my most precious gifts I have ever received.  It allows me to experience everything I do in this life.  I wouldn't be able to enjoy my children's hugs without it.  I wouldn't be able to sneak kisses from my husband without it.  I would not be able to do any of the things I enjoy without it.  Why would I not treat it with the utmost respect and listen to the cues it gives me?   After a whole year of practice I can finally say I have a pretty good understanding of my body and that means a lot to me.

5. Good old eating right and exercising go a long way.  I didn't do anything special to lose the weight.  I didn't try any special diet, in fact, I hate the D word.  I eat smaller portions of food more often throughout the day.  I drink TONS of water.  I don't drink pop and stay away from juices.  I stay away from processed foods and eat as much whole foods as I can.  I pay closer attention to the ingredients list than the nutrition facts.  I don't eat out very often and when I do I try to make wise choices.  I prepare myself ahead of time when I know that I will be in a situation where a lot of junk food is going to be around.  Exercise is a priority to me and I try to fit it in when I can.  I simply make the best choices I can.

6. BABY STEPS.  I don't think I can stress this enough.  Start out slow and steady.  Cut back on things rather than cut them out completely up front.  I cut back on the amount of pop I drank before I got to the point where I cut it out completely.  Start out small as you start to add in exercise and do a little more every day.  This will help you gradually incorporate those changes and make them stick.  Push yourself but don't set a goal that is unattainable.  This was a huge help to me.  I didn't focus on what I "should" be doing.  I focused on what I could do and I gradually built up strength for bigger things.

7. I learned from the mistakes I made and I picked myself up and kept moving.  I made a LOT of mistakes this year.  I didn't sail right through the year.  I look back on those mistakes with fondness because I was able to learn something every time.  I hardly knew anything when I got started.  It was a very long process of trial and error, learning what worked for me and what didn't.  And I never lost hope when I made a mistake. I didn't give up when I binged on junk before I had a chance to stop.  I didn't give up when I skipped too many days in a row of exercise.  And I didn't give up when my old attitudes came back and threatened to send me back to square one.  Every day is a new day.  Every hour is a new hour.  Every minute is a new minute.  And every second is a new second.  We ALWAYS have the chance to recommit ourselves and move forward.  I fought hard to get to where I am and I have learned to NEVER stop fighting.

And like every weight loss post I will share before and after pictures in hopes that you see more than just the weight loss.

This picture was taken at the end of September 2012.  It is so hard for me to look at this picture.  And it's not just because of my size.  I mourn for the Laina that sits in that picture.  She had lost all sense of who she was.  She felt like a failure and never felt good enough.  There is no light in those eyes, no hope.  She had no idea what she was worth and the potential she had to be a force for good.  I am so incredibly grateful to be able to say that all of that has changed

This picture was taken just 3 days ago.  I now know exactly who I am as a precious daughter of God.  I have a "perfect brightness of hope" in the Savior and in myself.  I feel the love of God in my life every. single. day.  I thrive under His love and direction.  I know I have incredible worth in my own life and in the lives of those who love me.  And I know that I have the potential to do great things on this earth.  I matter and I never doubt that anymore.

I also find great satisfaction in being a little sassy every now and again. ;)

A Hospital Visit and Other "Fun" Stuff

We officially had our first ER visit resulting in a 3 night hospital stay with Jarek. At the end of last month, on a Thursday, we noticed a blistered rash starting on his legs where his eczema is the worst. When it continued to get worse, we took him to the doctor that day where they sent us home with medicated lotion saying it was just his eczema. Well, it continued to get worse instead of better the next few days. And i mean worse. It was all over his body. I felt like something was really wrong but wasn't sure what to do. On Saturday, we went to urgent care because I was having symptoms of strep. The doctor happened to glance over at Jarek and was shocked by what he saw. He took a closer look and assured us that it wasn't eczema and recommended he see a dermatologist and take him to the ER if things got worse. After we got home we noticed it was bothering Jarek more than normal and the nagging feeling I had that something was really wrong wouldn't go away. After much discussion and prayer, Chad and I decided to take him to the ER. And so started the hardest week of my life.

Chad took Jarek to the hospital. I stayed home because of my strep and because Hadi is strictly breastfed. The doctors' best guess was that it was a strain of the herpes virus so they got Jarek on IV antiviral and checked him in for the night to keep an eye on him. He ended up staying 2 more nights. They were the hardest 3 days for me. I could hardly be with Jarek because of my strep and then because I had to stay home with Hadi, not wanting her at the hospital. On top of that, I developed a rash, what we thought was hives due to an allergic reaction to my antibiotic. That combined with my sore throat made me miserable. We finally got to take Jarek home on Tuesday. We took another trip to urgent care to see if they could do anything about my rash. That night Chad and I only got 2-3 hours of sleep because my rash was keeping me up and then Hadi kept us up. Then a few other things prevented us from finally getting over the hump until Thursday. But we finally got there! And we survived!

While it was the hardest week of my life I will forever be grateful for what it taught me. It was an incredibly humbling week. We got so much help from family and ward members. Lots of prayers were said in our behalf and I felt the strength of every single one of them. The Lord was keeping a very watchful eye on us. I haven't felt that that strongly in a long time. My eyes were opened to all the things I wasn't doing to have that Spirit with me all the time. It has made me a better person as I have prayed and read my scriptures more meaningfully since then. We were incredibly blessed by the Lord. He used so many people to help us feel loved and watched out for. For that I will forever be grateful.

And now for the final update on Jarek. We still do not have a definite answer as to what caused the rash. The culture they took to test for the heroes virus came back negative. My bet is one hand, foot, mouth disease. The rash I had turned out not to be hives and there's a good chance it could have been that. Also, we realize now, after knowing more about it, that Hadi had mild symptoms of it as well at the time. Whatever it was, it was not fun. Jarek was a champ through it all though. He got quite the reputation among the nurses for his good nature. He stayed his happy self through it all. He was a wonderful example to me of the best way to handle less than perfect situations. We sure love our little buddy!

The Beginning of a Lifetime of Friendship

Jarek is 100% in love with his baby sister.  He is always checking on her and showering her with kisses.  As time got closer to her arrival, I got more and more nervous of how Jarek would react, being still a little on the young side to really understand.  He loved her from day one and "baby" quickly became his favorite word.  It seems only too fitting that we named him after my two big brothers, the best big brothers I could have ever asked for.  He is already such a good and doting big brother.  He will be one on whom Hadi can always rely throughout the years.  I know there will be a lot of fighting as they grow up, but I hope that they will be able to find in each other a best friend, just like Chad and I have found in our own siblings.  You cannot find a closer friend than your sibling.

Introducing!

 Hadassah Rose Phelps

Born May 25, 2012 at 4:40pm

7lbs, 19in long

 

 Lucky for her, she inherited her daddy's famous dimples!

We all are so in love with this little girl!  None of us can get enough of her!  I mean, seriously, look at that face!

Lucky for mom, she did not come into the world the same way her brother did!  Labor was a total of about 7 hours.  Right from the beginning, contractions were very intense.  I quickly decided to go for an epidural this time around.  Looking back, I think it was heavenly inspiration.  I tested Group B Strep positive which means I had to be on IV antibiotics during labor.  And I needed to be on them for 4 hours before I delivered, otherwise we would have to stay an extra day in the hospital.  I saw the midwife at the office before going to the hospital.  At this point, only a few hours into labor, my contractions were only a couple minutes apart.  The midwife checked me and I was already dilated to a 6 and 100% effaced.  The midwife called ahead to the hospital and they whisked me in to hook up the IV as soon as I got there.  That was at 12:10pm so I had to hold off pushing until 4:10, if at all possible.  I'm afraid that if I had not gone for the epidural, I would not have been able to hold off.  I started feeling pressure to push before 4 but it wasn't bad so I held off.  The midwife got there just before 4:30, I started pushing and Hadassah entered the world after only several good pushes (I pushed for over 2 hours with Jarek!).

The Spirit in our home is so much sweeter with Hadi in it.  We are so blessed to have her in our family!

Almost done!

The bottom features a picture of me just a few days ago at 37 weeks. Crazy! This pregnancy has gone by so fast, yet SO slow. So happy to finally be down to the last few weeks! Chad and I are so ready to meet this little girl and to be one step closer to a complete family. We have so much love to give and are excited to shower it upon this new baby. What a blessing it is to be a part of such a beautiful process!

And so the countdown begins! Although, there has been a new development that may require an early delivery. Just within the last week I have developed all the symptoms for something called cholestasis (look it up, pretty interesting stuff. One of the symptoms is itchy hands and feet and it is driving me NUTS). They will do some blood work at my appointment tomorrow to confirm whether or not I have it. If I do, there is a good chance I will be induced early as it is not good for the baby. Anyway, no real answers yet but something we are preparing ourselves for.

I am so looking forward to this summer with a new baby and a toddler that loves to explore. I am so grateful for my little family and feel so blessed to see it grow. Life is good!

A Few Thoughts on Marriage

It's not easy. In fact, it's one of the hardest things I've ever done. You go your whole life looking out for número uno, focusing on how to fulfill your own wants, needs, and aspirations and then after a simple ceremony one day you have a whole new set of needs and aspirations to fit in. And not to mention that you now share your space, bed, and spend most of your time with another person with a different personality and way of looking at things. It requires quite the adjustment and it definitely doesn't happen overnight. And after you adjust it doesn't end there.  It requires consistent work to make sure you don't fall back into your old single, selfish way of thinking.  And don't get me started on the pet peeves you don't discover until after you live together.  It's so easy to get negative about those and let them get under your skin but you have to work extra hard to let them go.

And of course there's the burning fire of romance, which burns so brightly while you're dating and you soon find out after you get married that it needs consistent feeding to keep burning.  Once the honeymoon stage ends, you get so wrapped up in responsibilities that it's easy to forget to spend that one on one time together.  And it's that much harder once you add kids to the mix.

So I guess you could say that my synonym of choice for marriage would be WORK.  But, boy, does that work pay off!  Just like everything else that requires hard work, it provides the greatest paycheck.  The reward is a deeper love than you ever imagined you would have in your life, both to give to someone else and to receive in return.  You have somebody you can always go to to laugh with, cry with, and to simply enjoy life with.  You have the best friend you've ever had by your side to hold your hand as you face whatever life throws your way.  You have the security of knowing that you are never alone.  What more could you need to get through this scary thing called life?!

And with that, I would like to end by saying thank you to my husband.  Thank you for putting as much or even more work into our marriage as I do.  Thank you for seeing past my imperfections and loving me anyways.  Thank you for supporting me in achieving my hopes and dreams.  Thank you for helping and encouraging me to reach my full potential.  Thank you for being my best friend.

Te amo!

A Day In The Life

This little boy sure makes me laugh.

Changes

Before:

(I had no idea my hair was that long)

After:

Best haircut decision I ever made.

A Few Thoughts on Valentine's Day

Let me start out by saying that I love holidays. All holidays. Yes, they may be very commercialized but when you take away all the candy, gifts, cards, etc. that stores push you to buy, there is something great to be celebrated with each one in whatever way you want to.

That being said, I love Valentine's Day. And I'm sure some of my single friends are thinking (if they happen to read this), "Of course you love Valentine's Day, you're married!" Along with all the posts on facebook saying "Happy Valentine's Day" there are just as many saying "Happy Single Awareness Day" and that always makes me cringe. Yes, everywhere around you, boyfriends and husbands are buying flowers for their girlfriends and wives and neglecting everyone else, but that is not the way it has to be. I have always celebrated Valentine's Day. It started when I was young when I would wake up to find small gifts from my parents every year. It continued as I had boyfriends and now my husband, but even when I didn't have them. When I was single in high school, my mom and I would always do something special, usually involving chocolate and chick flicks. When I went to college, I celebrated with my roommates by going out to dinner and then doing something with chocolate and chick flicks. And even now, it's not just about me and my husband, I think of everyone I love in my life; my son, my parents, my siblings, etc. I always make a point to call my mom and whoever else I feel inspired to on Valentine's Day. It's not about couples, it's about love.

So while I do not believe in saying "I love you" only on Valentine's Day (I say it every chance I get), I still think it's just as good a day as any. So start celebrating everyone you love on Valentine's Day and tell someone you love them. The only thing we take away from this life is the people we love, so why not have a holiday to celebrate the one thing that will stay with us forever!

On Life, Love, & Laughter

Life

Life is hard sometimes. I look at where I am compared to where all my friends in high school are and I feel very envious sometimes. They aren't strapped down by all the responsibility that comes with a family. They have been able to devote all their time to school and fun. They get to spend their money on new clothes and going out and I have to spend my money on bills and diapers. Sometimes I wish I could just get away and spend a weekend not worrying about bills, mom and wife responsibilities and just have fun. But, at those times I'm reminded of something more important than fun....

Love

At those moments I always seem to get a huge smile and a kiss from my son, feel the life inside of me moving around, or find my husband looking at me affectionately. My life is filled with so much love. I have a husband who adores me, who I adore back. I don't have to deal with the stresses of a family by myself. We are there to support, encourage, and love each other. I have companionship in my life that I wouldn't have if I had continued my single life. I have a son who has an endless supply of kisses for me. His spirit brings so much love into our home. And even the baby inside of me has already brought so much love into our home. So while my apartment may not be filled with nice clothes and other nice things, it is filled with love and I wouldn't change that for anything.

Laughter

I am also so grateful that my house is full of laughter! Nothing cures frustrations and stress like laughter. I love that Chad and I love to make each other laugh so we're constantly finding ways to do so. And Jarek is quite the silly little dude. He is always doing things to make us laugh and he loves it! What a blessing it is to me that I have a family that makes me laugh so much.

So while I may not have the carefree life I sometimes wish for, I have a very abundant life. An abundant life that brings me so much love and happiness. The Beatles said it best, "All you need is love." :)

Update Since....May

As you can see, it's been a super long time since I have posted. Life is crazy and I just haven't gotten around to the blog (although I stalk blogs all the time). We had a wonderful summer full of family reunions and work and school. We also had a wonderful fall celebrating all of our birthdays, our 2nd anniversary, Thanksgiving with family, and finding out the arrival of baby #2 in May! Of course, the fall then was slightly unenjoyable as we had to deal with the morning sickness and moodiness that comes with pregnancy. But, overall, it was great! We had a wonderful Christmas full of family and blessings. And we have started 2012 off with a bang. I started school again, which I both love and hate. We found out the gender of baby #2. We are having a.....

GIRL!!! We are so excited! I wish I had gotten a picture of Chad's face when the tech gave us the news. We was grinning from ear to ear! He was really hoping for a little girl. And lucky for both of us we don't have to go through the agony of picking out a boy name as we have had our girl name picked out since we found out I was pregnant. Her name will be Hadassah Rose (Hadassah after Esther from the Bible. It was her Hebrew name. Rose is after her lovely mother and great great grandmother) and we are so excited to meet her!

Life is good and we couldn't ask for any better! We are so grateful to be able to give all of our love to our growing family and for the happiness that Jarek and Hadassah have brought into our lives. We have struggled the last little while but have been overcome with the protection and love we have felt from the Lord and are grateful for the things we have learned. We have also been immensely blessed in all of our endeavors and are anxious to see where life takes us. Hopefully I will be better at blogging so you can join us on our adventures!

And now to leave you with this little gem:

(He got in there all by himself one Sunday before church. His new favorite hang out!)

Update Coming Soon!

Sorry it's been so long. We went awhile without internet and then by the time we had gotten it, I had started school and I have been crazy busy! I promise to update soon! Until then...

...Check out my other blog here!

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Bittersweet Moments

Gotta love the bittersweet moments of life. Chad and I are staring one right in the face this month. We are moving! We were able to find ourselves a two bedroom apartment in our price range and will be moving the first weekend in March. We are so excited!

The Bitter:

-The kitchen is teeny tiny. We have been so spoiled with our current kitchen and all the counter and cupboard space. It will be interesting to see how we make do.

-Leaving our very first apartment. We have lots of wonderful memories here and it has been a wonderful apartment to live in.

-We'll be living on the 3rd floor...with no elevator.

-Tiny bathroom. I love our sink and all the drawers and space. We'll have to kiss that goodbye.

The Sweet:

-We'll be living on the 3rd floor....with no elevator. Lots of good exercise!

-Two bedrooms! Chad and I will be able to have our own little sanctuary! And not have to worry about whispering and the lights when we go to bed.

-The storage space! We'll have a small walk-in closet in our bedroom, a closet in Jarek's room, a linen closet, hall closet and coat closet. And on top of all that, a little storage room in the basement! It's not very fun living out of only two closets.

-We get a little balcony. We have some space to keep plants and maybe get a little grill for the summer.

-We're on the top floor. No more noisy upstairs neighbors. I just hope we don't become the noisy upstairs neighbors.

-We get to stay in our ward!

Luckily, the sweet always out weighs the bitter. We are way excited for this next stage in our life! We can't wait to get moved in!

Jarek Trying Green Beans

Jarek has been eating rice cereal for a week and a half or so now so yesterday I decided to try something new. I decided to start with green beans. His reaction was hilarious! I knew Chad would be sad to miss it so I decided to video tape a couple spoonfuls. Enjoy!

Jarek is 5 Months!

Our little JP isn't so little anymore! It's crazy to see how fast he's growing! Some of the things he's been up to...

-He loves rolling around the floor, grabbing at anything within his reach.

-If he can't bring an object to his mouth, he'll gladly bring his mouth to the object. Luckily, mom and dad are always there to catch him as it sometimes turns into a nose dive off our laps.

-He's starting to move around and scoot a little bit on his tummy.

-He loves watching TV. What baby doesn't?

-We've started feeding him solids. After a week of not knowing what's going on, he figured it out and has been chowing down.

-He screeches at the top of his lungs all the time. It's always happy, but man is it loud!

-He's recently taken an interest in his feet.

-He can hold his bottle all by himself. Can't quite maneuver it yet, but he can hold it up really well.

-He's sleeping through the night! I haven't even had to get up and put his bink in his mouth the last few nights. I hope I didn't just jinx it, but it has been wonderful!

-He's starting to get a tooth! It's definitely starting to cut through. You wouldn't even guess it by the way he's acting. No extra fussing at all! He's a tough little guy.

-He loves kisses on the cheek. Which mom loves to give!

He definitely brightens up our life and we love having him around! And now for the recent pictures!

This is often what I find when I leave him to roll around. Things scattered everywhere, socks that have been kicked off and the blanket attacking him. Sure love that energetic little guy!

Love that rice cereal!

Showing off the new high chair. He looks so grown up!

Thanks for the awesome onesie, Aunt Andrea and Uncle Joe!

He kept making this face while we were eating dinner one night. We couldn't stop laughing!

What a big boy!

(Chad's expression makes me laugh in this picture.)

What a cutie! We are way excited for what 6 months will bring!

Christmas '10

Well, I was a horrible mom and only took a few pictures of Jarek's first Christmas. I really am a horrible picture taker. I am trying to be better.

The three of us were able to spend Christmas in Minnesota with mi familia. What a wonderful time we had! It was so great to be able to spend some time with my family. I was so grateful for the opportunity my family had to meet Jarek (and Chad's sister, Tiffani, and her family, of course!). We all had a blast. We spent a lot of time being lazy, which was a great break from the stresses of life. Chad got to spend a week away from work as a reward for all the hard work he's been putting in. And Chad got to spend some time getting to know and feeling more comfortable with my family. It was a wonderful trip all around. The only bad thing was the lack of Derek, Brayden, Makayla, Andrea, Joe, and Tali. We missed them all very much! Luckily, we don't have to wait long for us all to be together again! We've got a family camping trip in Moab planned in May and we are so excited! It will be the first time we've all been together since James and Jess' wedding. It's going to be so much fun!

And now for the few pictures that were taken at Christmas:

Jarek and his Omma.

Spending time with Bunga, my awesome grandma. What a beautiful woman she is, inside and out!

Hanging out with Bumpa, my awesome grandpa. My grandparents have been such a huge part of my life. It's hard to think that their years are numbered. I'm so grateful to have these pictures so I can look back on them with Jarek and tell him stories about their lives and my memories of them. I hope my children will be able to feel as connected to their great-grandparents as I did, even though I never had the chance to know them.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

The Reason for the Season

Lately, I have been reflecting quite a bit on the birth of Jesus Christ, His life and ministry, and the Atonement. I love the Christmas Season. So many lights everywhere, wonderful music, beautiful decorations, the spirit of family and giving, and the celebration of the greatest birth in history.

Simply put, I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I know that He lived a mortal life and died for all of us. I know that He was resurrected and that He lives today. I know that He knows and loves me personally. I have felt His endless love countless times throughout my life.

As we are spending time with our families and exchanging gifts I hope that we will all take time to remember the man who gave us the greatest gift of all. And maybe think of a gift we can give back as we start the new year.

I love you all. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas. And I hope you enjoy the following posts about different people and parts of the birth of Christ.

“I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life” (John 8:12).

"A Raisin in the Sun"

Disclaimer: I'm not trying to lecture anyone other than myself in this post. I needed to write it to clarify my thoughts. I did feel the need to post it just in case someone else got anything out of it. It is not meant to make others feel bad or make them feel like they need to do better. I am the one that needs to be better and I hope I can.

‎"Child, when do you think is the time to love somebody the most? When they done good and made things easy for everybody? Well then, you ain’t through learning – because that ain’t the time at all. It’s when he’s at his lowest and can’t believe in hisself ‘cause the world done whipped him so! When you starts measuring somebody, measure him right, child, measure him right. Make sure you done taken into account what hills and valleys he come through before he got to wherever he is." ~Lena Younger, "A Raisin in the Sun" (3.1.113)

"A Raisin in the Sun" by Lorraine Hansberry is one of my favorite plays. I read it my senior of high school for my Diversity in Literature class at Normandale Community College. I have a tendency to like depressing stories and this one goes right in that category. It makes me realize just how lucky I am. I have every avenue opened to me and I don't have to worry about not being able to attain my dreams because of where and when I was born.

Chad and I watched the newer filmed version of the play with Sean 'P. Diddy' Combs and Phylicia Rashad just the other night. I wanted to see how it compared to the one with Sidney Poitier (Sidney Poitier is way better). As we were watching, I was really struck by the quote I wrote above. It's constantly been at the back of my mind since we watched it. And I'm not exactly sure why. My guess is that I need to be better at what it says but I can't really figure out why. Or maybe it's just that I finally found my philosophy in life put into words. For whatever reason it has stuck with me, I'm glad that it has.

With Christmas fast approaching, I can't help but think of the Savior's example when I read this quote. I know that I feel the Savior's love most when I feel the most downtrodden. Why? I'm sure there are many reasons. I think it's mostly so I can feel hope again. Hope that all the hard times will pass and I will see the light once again. Hope so that I can hang on a little longer and make it through. Hope so I don't give up. Why does the Savior not want us to lose hope? Because it is one of only 3 principles (faith, hope and charity) that will help us make it back to Him. His greatest joy will come when we enter His presence once again.

So how does that all apply to us? We all need to exhibit more charity and restore others' lost hope. Easier said than done, I know. When someone has lost all hope, they tend to act selfishly and forget about those around them. I know it's hardest for me to love someone when they are acting like that. What a world it would be if we look beyond a person's behavior to the root of the problem. We can't expect them to act better by punishing them and getting on their case. They need charity, the pure love of Christ, and they need it from more than just our Savior. I'm not saying the Savior's love isn't enough. It is. More than enough. But imagine what it would be like to have that love from others around you. Think about the people in your life. Who can you love more? Who has lost all hope? Give them that love. Give them that hope. I'm sure you and I will be amazed at how it changes ourselves.

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Christmas Update

A lot has been going on since I last posted. Jarek is now almost 3 months! Time sure flies.

Anyways, we finally got a dog! She's a little Chihuahua and we named her Coco.

She has quite the personality. She's fairly stubborn and doesn't like to be told what to do. She is a complete momma's girl and follows me everywhere. She's been a lot of fun and we've loved having her around. We just wish we had a fenced yard right out the door so we didn't have to walk her. She takes forever to go potty.

This past weekend was a very busy and fun one. We went to the annual Big Phelps Christmas party down in Grantsville, Utah. It's for my father-in-law's siblings and all of their families. Tons of people and lots of kids running around. We went down Friday night and had fun at a little Christmas party with some of Chad's cousins. We had more fun Saturday with everyone. Lots of chatting, good food, and Christmas Spirit. There was a little program and some of the kids acted out the Nativity Story. It was all way fun.

Here is a picture of just SOME of the babies that were born this year. Jarek is on the end on the right.

It was quite the fiasco to get them together and all sitting up and what not but I think it still turned out cute.

Santa comes to visit the Phelps Christmas party every year so of course we had to get a picture of Jarek meeting Santa for the first time. He wasn't the happiest with us because he was getting hungry but I think the picture turned out great!

After the Big Phelps Party, we did our Little Phelps Christmas Party since most of Chad's siblings we all together, except for Clark and Kristy because they had their baby (congrats!) and Nathan and Tiffani because they are in Minnesota (missed you!). The adults did a White Elephant gift exchange and then Chad's parents handed out the gifts. They got all the adults some food storage. I thought it was a wonderful and thoughtful gift! I've been telling Chad all year that we need to get started on that so I was really happy with the gift. And Jarek came away with this little number:

It says, "All mommy wants for Christmas is a Silent Night." I love it! It's very true. Although, I can't complain much since he only gets up once during the night.

We headed home Saturday night. On our way, we made a stop in Ogden to visit my sister and brother-in-law. It was the first time my brother-in-law had met Jarek. It was a really nice visit with them. Jarek fell asleep in the car on the way there and had the perfect timing to wake up right before we got there so he put on quite the show. I'm pretty sure he stole their hearts. It was great to have a little time with my family. I've missed my family so much this year.

It was a wonderful weekend with Chad's side of the family. It's great that they do their parties a little earlier so we don't have to worry about missing it when we go to MINNESOTA for Christmas this year!!! I am so excited! I'm really grateful that we were able to get the money together to go. And I'm really grateful to be spending some time to celebrate Christmas with both sides of the family. We are so blessed to have such wonderful families!